It so happens I am sick of being
a man.
And it happens that I walk into
tailor shops and movie houses
dried up, waterproof, like a swan
made of felt
steering my way in a water of
wombs and ashes.
The smell of barbershops makes me
break into hoarse sobs.
The only thing I want is to lie
still like stones or wool.
The only thing I want is to see
no more stores, no gardens,
no more goods, no spectacles, no
elevators.
It so happens I am sick of my
feet and my nails
and my hair and my shadow.
It so happens I am sick of being
a man.
Still it would be marvelous
to terrify a law clerk with a cut
lily,
or kill a nun with a blow on the
ear.
It would be great
to go through the streets with a
green knife
letting out yells until I died of
the cold.
I don’t want to go on being a
root in the dark,
insecure, stretched out,
shivering with sleep,
going on down, into the moist
guts of the earth,
taking in and thinking, eating
every day.
I don’t want so much misery.
I don’t want to go on as a root
and a tomb,
alone under the ground, a
warehouse with corpses,
half frozen, dying of grief.
That’s why Monday, when it sees
me coming
with my convict face, blazes up
like gasoline,
and it howls on its way like a
wounded wheel,
and leaves tracks full of warm
blood leading toward the night.
And it pushes me into certain
corners, into some moist houses,
into hospitals where the bones
fly out the window,
into shoeshops that smell like
vinegar,
and certain streets hideous as
cracks in the skin.
There are sulphur-colored birds,
and hideous intestines
hanging over the doors of houses
that I hate,
and there are false teeth
forgotten in a coffeepot,
there are mirrors
that ought to have wept from
shame and terror,
there are umbrellas everywhere,
and venoms, and umbilical cords.
I stroll along serenely, with my
eyes, my shoes,
my rage, forgetting everything,
I walk by, going through office
buildings and orthopedic shops,
and courtyards with washing
hanging from the line:
underwear, towels and shirts from
which slow
dirty tears are falling.